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Lj you will always hold a special place in my heart. Maybe I will come back to you one day but my own username just bums me out. Also maybe two people read this on the regular. Ugh. I am on the tumblrs: amymarz
Is there anything more frustrating than WANTING to exercise but your body's all "Meeeeeh. fuck that"
Can't do planks  or pushups because of my fucked rhomboid in my right shoulder and I can't do reverse sit ups and dead lifts because my lower back is fucked. blagh. why you hate me, body?
I downloaded some new Jillian Michaels dvds to motivate "Killer Buns and Thighs" and "Six Week Six PAck"  Ugh.Buns. I hate that term. I guess Killer Ass and Thighs is probably a porno title though.
Back to calorie counting obsessively. IT IS ALL THAT CONTROLS MY EATING


Jun. 24th, 2012

SO WHATS BEEN GOING ON WITH ME. Idk just forgetting to update all the time.
Nick and I went to Asheville at the beginning of this month for Julie’s wedding. We drove up on Friday, wedding Saturday and we walked around and used a groupon for horseback riding at Pisgah View ranch. The wedding was great. LET ME USE PICTURES TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

large pictures under hereCollapse )

o Oh! Nick and I went on the trail ride I gave him for christmas the day before he went to florida. It was super fun.
o Nick got back from Florida on Sunday. He was miserable the entire time :C Wish I had gone with him. Julie's wedding is on June 2. Hopefully Nick will get some more time off from work. I think he would have fun in asheville with me. Also I would miss him like crazy if I had to go alone. Ooh and trail ride in the mountains in NC? that would be awesome.
o While Nick was in florida I went out every night with a flashlight and drowned slugs in a bucket of salt water. so many slugs. The humanity. oh the lack of humanity!
o We went to the beach house show on sunday a few hours after Nick got back. AWESOME show. Although alot more douchebags apparently like beach house than I realized.
After the show Nick and I went up to try to get set lists while everthing got broken down. Nick got one! Then some little teenage wang climbed onto the stage, grabbed the guitarist's shoes(left on stage) and started to run off. I followed him and his friends and shamed him "Seriously? You're stealing shoes? Youre stealing some one elses shoe. I hope you feel like a good person. Are you happy with yourself?" etc Then later he went and gave them back to a roadie. yay. I helped!

the other night I had a dream where I was in a grocery store looking for malt liquor to trap and kill slugs with. I think I have a problem
- Nick is in the Florida Keys right now for his brother's wedding. He drove for ten hours yesterday with his parents and then I guess two or so today. I didn't want to go because a)cats and b) I thought we would be sharing a room with his parents AND sister. Turns out his parents would have paid for a seperate room for Nick and I if I had gone. Instead Nick is stuck in a room with his dad who apparently snores like a leaf blower :/ I miss Nick

- I have been doing stupid amounts of yard work lately. I put down mulch in the beds front and back with a layer of newspaper underneath the mulch as kind of a biodegradable landscape cloth.
My blueberry bushes have given me a grand total of 4 ripe and edible berries. I would like to transfer them to bigger pots but dad says the would shock the plant too much and I should wait until theyre done giving off fruit :/ There's a shit ton of unripe berries on them!
Got a ton of basil and planted it various places. pesto motherfuckers.
Planted two lavender plants in the front bed. Also two in a pot on the back deck along with lemon grass and cat nip.
Also on the deck: parsley(that is doing insanely well), moar basil, sage, mint, citrus mint, rosemary and my mini peach
I can only see one potential peach on the tree. There was some unpleasantness with worms last month >:C
The fig trees that Julie planted are doing really well. They're covered in little bb figs!
I have seen more slugs since we moved into this house than I have maybe in my entire life. I dont know if that sentence makes sense. IDK IDK. Bitches be eating my dahlias. LETS SEE HOW THEY LIKE SLIMING OVER CRUSHED EGG SHELLS.

Lj. You have got to buy some gardenias. There are about 9 separate bushes on the side of the house COVERED in flowers and ffffffff they smell amazing

I forgot about anything of substance that I wanted to write about. gardening, bitches
Mom called this morning to tell me that Spike had died. Dad went to the gym and when he came back Spike was gone. He already took him to the vet to be cremated.
I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. I haven't really cried yet. I got to spend the last three day holding and snuggling and petting Spike. Yesterday he just slept in my lap for hours
I can safely say that Spike had the best life any dog could hope for. He probably lived better than most people. But I will continue to miss him like crazy. This is the first time since the early eighties that my family has not had at least two dogs. I hope Jessie will be okay without him
I love him so much


A week or so Spike started acting like he was sick. This has come and gone before and he would be back to eating and following mom around in a day or so. Last week mom finally took him to the vet because he wouldnt even eat hamburger and rice. The vet diagnosed him with pancreatitis and gave him IV fluids and special food. I was worried about him but I thought he would be ok. Spike didn't really get better. He still didn't want to eat. Yesterday morning dad took him to a specialist. They did and ultrasound and found tumors. He has cancer in his adrenal glands that has spread to his spleen. There's nothing we can do. He is going to die soon
I went to mom and dad's yesterday. Spike didn't want to eat or drink or move. He just laid on his bed
He is 13. I know that's old but I just assumed he would be around for at least a few more years because that's how long our other dogs have lived. I can't imagine life without Spike

I got him for my tenth birthday. My parents made me go to summer camp on my birthday which i was pissed about. They told me I could pick out a puppy when I got back. After camp we spent a few days on lake toxiway then came home. As a kid I had lots of little niches all over the house of objects that I had arranged just so. Before I had left for camp I had my little wooden horse stables arranged on the floor in the living room and when we got home I immediately zeroed in on the fact that they had been moved. While I spazzed out about that mom and dad brought in a big box wrapped with orange sparkly wrapping paper and blue bow that had "its a boy" written on it.
I opened it and there was Spike.
I have loved him and he has loved me unconditionally for 13 years.
I would gladly trade a year of my life for one of hisMy first ever email address was spike122711@aol.com, my name on here is spike0313. I use some form of "spike" on various other websites
He's my little buddy, my little dude. Spikey, Fike, Spikels, Weiner boy, Spikarooni, Doodle, big fella, Mr. Brown, J doodle the dachshund dog. He's Spike W. Longfellow on his AKC papers because I was 10 and thought the name on the papers was just the dog's formal name.

Last night before I went to sleep I got down on my knees and prayed. I prayed to any god that would listen and asked for Spike to get his appetite back so he can enjoy treats before he goes.
I went to see him today and he had perked up a little bit. He was eating and drinking. I took him outside to pee and he even lifted his leg then walked around and wagged his tail at me. He even gave me a lick on the face and I don't even care how terrible his breath is. Dad carved up a chicken to cook for dinner and gave Spike the kidneys. I started the dogs on that raw diet a few years ago and you will never see a dog happier than when they are gnawing on a raw chicken drumstick. Spike has a big barrel chest so he couldn't hold it with his paws to chew it so it always took him longer to eat than Jessie.
After dinner tonight I was eating Americone Dream icecream and I let him lick some off my spoon. He went crazy for it. When I finished I let him lick out the mug. After that I watched TV with dad with Spike on my lap. Spike fell asleep and spent an hour snoring and farting.
Today it was almost like he wasn't sick. It was like he was going to get better and be fine. But he won't. He's not going to get better. He's not going to recover. I could go over tomorrow and he could be on death's door. I will not euthanize him. I cannot do that again. I cannot stand that. I cannot purposely kill my dog. I cannot watch the life drain from his body. But I want to be there with him when it happens. I want to hold him and scratch his chest and let him know how much I love him and that I'm there. I don't want him to die without me there
I just don't want him to die. I dont think I will be able to stand it.


or I will eat all the peanut butter ever.
One of those.
The skin under my eyes has decided it does not like my clinique serum so now I have dark circles AND itchy, burny red skin under my eyes. I AM A MONSTER

I came home the other night to bloody cat pee in the bathtub. D: I saw a few bloody pee droplets on the bathmat a few weeks ago and forgot about it until BLOODY TUB PEE. I set a cat pee trap in the bathroom(paper towels in a box lid on top of a plastic bag)and it was peed in multiple times (cats cant resist a box) and there was no more blood.
So I figured it was probably Tess who did the initial pee and took her to the vet yesterday. The vet literally stuck a needle in her bladder and got urine sample and tested it for blood. Nothing. Not even from the needle puncturing her skin. SIGH. So according to him it is
a. Not Tess who peed
b. some kind of cystitis that comes and goes in cycles (?) and if it happens again he will just prescribe meds for whichever cat did it
Tess has had some crystals in her urine before but she was acting just fine when she got home from cat jail after thanksgiving up until xmas. Blegh.
I regularly watch the cats use the box. No straining, no crying. No licking of crotches. No other symptoms that I can see. Of course Penny is outside more than Tess since its gotten cold so I can't monitor her pee pee habits as closely. AUUGH. ALWAYS SOMETHING
Also Stella possibly was hit by a car earlier this week. Mom found her crying in the bushes with one of her feet all cut up. The vet also said the wound had auto grease in it. So either she crawled up into an engine to keep warm or someone ran over her foot.
Cross stitch of the bristol stool chart? innapropriate gift or MOST innapropriate gift?

Movies I've seen in 2011

Scott Pilgrim vs The World
I'm Still Here
True Grit
The King's Speech
I love you, Phillip Morris
Blue Valentine
The Illusionist
The Fighter
Cedar Rapids
Company Men
Date Night
Forbidden Planet
The Descent 2
Old Boy
Paranormal activity
Boogie Nights
Caddy Shack
Win Win
The Big Uneasy
The Player
Double Hour
Greatest Movie Ever Sold
It's Kind of a Funny Story
Xmen first class
Midnight in Paris
Super 8
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2
Green Hornet
Inside Job
The Town
Captain America
Super Bad
Tree of Life
Another Earth
The Guard
Ides of March
Empire of the Rising Sun
The Descendents


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